I realize I've been gone for a very long time from here. Not that I was probably missed by any insane fans (of which I have none)... But, the fact is I avoided livejournal for awhile during some troubling times. Here's the abridged version. A little over a year and a half ago I found out I was pregnant. It was pure surprise. We had talked about having children, but certainly had not planned on starting at the time. Regardless of the surprise, I was so completely happy! It felt completely surreal, but I was very excited. I waited with anticipation for my first appointment at 8 weeks so that it could really be confirmed since it felt so unreal. So, when they couldn't find a heart beat during the ultrasound, I was completely devastated. I went in a few days afterward to get a D&C done. I remember waking up sobbing with the nurses trying to comfort me. They finally sent someone to get my mother hoping she would be able to calm me down. The weeks that followed were pretty hard for me, especially since the procedure didn't go as planned. Maybe the worst thing about the way I felt was that I felt like I had no reason to feel so crushed. Miscarriages happen to so many people. I felt like it shouldn't feel like a loss, especially since it had never even felt real. I've moved past that kind of guilt of being sad and have realized now that there will always be some sadness. It's more sadness for something that will never be. Something that could have been.
Shortly after that, my husband and I decided that we would like to try again, and a few months later I found out that I was pregnant. There is something so scary about experiencing a miscarriage and being pregnant again. The whole time you feel blessed that things are going as planned, but terrified that something will go wrong. Well, let me get to the end of the story, or maybe I should say the beginning of a new story. Three months ago I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. We named him Christian, and he is the light of my life! He is a gift! And he's such a beautiful baby. I'm not lying either. He's adorable! And he's so sweet with the most beautiful smile. He was 9 lb 6 oz at birth. And that was a week early! I was induced and ended up having a c-section due to his size. So, that's my story! At least part of it. Suffice to say, that my family is well and happy (though my dog almost died last month and will take months to recover...) Now, I'm going to go try to take a nap while the baby is sleeping, though I'm sure he'll wake up as soon as my head hits the pillow. He usually does...
Sorry I've been gone awhile. I've had a lot of things going on lately. I'm well enough, though, so that's a good thing. Still wish I could see the future, even if it means eventual destruction of the galaxy... Well, that's about all I feel like writing. I'm gonna go watch my episode of Bones before Tony wakes up.
I really wish I could see the future sometimes. I know, I know, it's a horrible thing. I'd see the future, and then the decisions I'd make would spiral out of control and I'd rip apart space and time and probably dissolve the universe into a giant black hole.* But still. It'd kinda be nice. Up until the destruction of the universe. I'm so tired of job worries stressing me out. Even when I'm not stressing out, I'm stressing out. It must be subconscious. And this stress is totally draining all of my creativity away! Do you know the last time I painted a picture? Or made jewelry? Or wrote something? (Ok, so I wrote today, but on average...) Or made a funny video for my sister?** You probably don't know, unless you sit outside in my shrubs all day.*** If you do sit outside in my shrubs all day I'd like to commend you on your excellent camouflage techniques and assure you that you are a creeper of the highest degree. And by highest, I mean worst.
Suffice to say, I want some direction, and motivation, and just to know that every little thing is gonna be alright. If we could all sit in a circle and sing the Bob Marley song, I'd like that. And I'd also like to buy Maggie Stiefvater's new book The Scorpio Races. I think that'd make me feel better too. And a frosty. Tony, if you're reading this stop at Wendy's and buy me a frosty. Alright. So long.
*This theory has not yet been proven. **The degree of funniness is based on my personal (and most likely inaccurate) opinion. *** If you can correctly guess the kind of shrubs I have in my front yard I'm calling the police.
Finally. I have completed something. It's not much, but the fact that I've completed something is an extremely momentous event. No. It's not my novel, smart ass, so shut up. But I did just complete a short story titled Untitled. And it's only about 430 words. And it's titled Untitled because I couldn't think of anything good. Feel welcome to suggest titles without having any idea what the story is about. The point is, it was something that everyone was doing for our writing group, and I did it. I finished it. And I even pulled out a paragraph of my WIP for them to try to determine scene and mood.
I say 'lacks' because it happens so often, and thankfully it only effects me (I think). You see, I have ideas, tons of them, and I never want to forget them. However, I'm not in the habit of keeping a notebook around, as did Steve. If you need to ask yourself, "Who is this Steve she speaks of? He sounds so wise," then I can only tell you not to worry. It's a reference to a show I was strangely interested without having the excuse of having children who forced me to watch it. I don't want to talk about it. Ok? Fine. It's a Blue's Clues reference. Dammit. Rambling. Well, since I have no notebook... No, I take that back. I actually have a lot of notebooks. But, since I don't actually write down my ideas in them, when I have them I simply jot them down on the nearest applicable material. This means when I come across them months, or even years later, I'm left wondering what the hell I was thinking. It's really quite amusing to try and figure out what "all they want is the science" on a scrap of paper is supposed to mean. And why did I write down "the king has sold out"? Actually, now that I think about it, that might have been a lady on QVC telling the viewers that the king size northern nights sheets have sold out.... hmmm. My mom really loved QVC. But the question remains, why the heck did I write it down? Then there are the times I write myself reminders. I found one that said "spring surprise - take out drinking". I can't for the life of me remember what that was about, but I am really very sorry that I didn't remember it in time. Sounds like it would have been a good time. And this last one (pictured below) is probably my favorite. This one actually is in a book, a book with giant letters that spell out "IDEAS" on the cover. It really is a great idea. I'll have to do that sometime.
p.s. Sorry if you were expecting something more from this entry... my lack of inspiration saddens me as well.
What the heck is this? Leaves. On the ground. All dry and brittle and brown. It's only August 16th. I know, Autumn is close, but it's not that close!! You had better stop this nonsense or I will be forced to move to a treeless concrete lot.
On another note, I got a call today notifying me that I didn't get the job at Patient First. The guy who interviewed me called, and he sounded genuinely sorry that he hired someone else. He encouraged me to apply for any other positions and to contact him and let him know. He may just be a good liar, but it made me feel good anyway. Well, as good as I can in the circumstances. Anyway, I think I don't need to worry about finding a new job. Now I just need to finish my novel and sell it for a crap load of money... right? (insert sarcasm here) I'm sure that will be so easy. Ok... so back to trying to find job openings and filling out applications. And in the process, I'm going to have to push myself to write. I am 3/4 of the way there! I have to do it! I really hate not accomplishing things. It makes me not to want to even try. So. Now I'm going to go let out my poor little dog who is scratching at the door to go out, and then Ima eat a bratwurst and macaroni and cheese for dinner! Yum!
Just to prove that to you, this is a copy of a recent correspondence with my husband in regards to his resume which was saved on my computer and which I helped him create.
I am writing this letter in response to your request for a copy of your resume. I want to ensure you that this resume is in the exact order of specification that we have recently discussed and that all adjustments were made with your approval. It has been lovingly cared for on my computer's hard drive in the company of many other prestigious pieces of writing, among which are completed short stories as well as works in progress. I would like to encourage you to pursue information about these works, specifically my uncompleted novel "Key to Immortality". To clarify, this novel is not about vampires. I hope that you are satisfied with the modifications made to your resume and the state in which it has been formatted and saved. Please contact me with any questions regarding your resume.
As many of you are no doubt aware, m_stiefvater is one of my very favorite authors. Ok... maybe you aren't all aware of it, but it's true! I just finished reading her latest novel Forever a few weeks ago, and have been wishing for more ever since. Well, I won't have long to wait which is a good thing. I'm really not sure how she's gotten so many novels (not just any novels, but wonderful novels) written and published since I've moved to Richmond and went to a panel that she was presenting. That was three years ago. And you know what... it doesn't matter to me what pact she has made with whatever supernatural force to get such wonderful books out into the world (as long as she doesn't lose her soul or her ability to write) All that matters is that they're out there, and they make me happy. So now her newest novel (a newer newest) The Scorpio Races is coming out October 18th. It sounds like it is going to be awesome, and I'm learning that Maggie Stiefvater is an author whose books I can trust to be awesome. And here is where I admit to having an ulterior motive for sharing this news with you. By posting the trailer to my livejournal account, I can enter a contest to win an ARC of The Scorpio Races. Because I just don't want to wait until October!!
Addicted to mechanics that is. And to be honest, I'm getting tired of paying for its next fix. Now it's the alternator. I am so angry right now. The lack of capitalized letters and exclamation points should indicate my overpowering anger and frustration directed at my truck. I know, it's un-traditional which is why I felt the need to explain myself. Unfortunately, I don't know how to get through to my truck and make it understand that this behavior is bad for its health. I guess I'll just give in and have Tony take it to the mechanic tomorrow. I feel like such an enabler. But I can't spend any more time on the side of the road in the darkening evening hours. I really thought I was going to get murdered. I read too many crime dramas... too many Law & Order episodes.... While I was waiting for my husband to charge the battery (only about a mile from my house) a jeep pulled up behind me and turned off their headlights. And then just sat there... I rolled up my windows and locked my doors and then they drove away. Then a police officer pulled into the turn lane, passed me, and drove away. "Thanks Officer...." Anyways....
I think caffeine and I need to become better acquainted. Seriously. I'm so awake right now. It's 4:27. Isn't it sad that at 4:27 I'm usually tired? I know.
Or it could be the nail polish I've been sniffing all afternoon. Don't look at me like that. It's blueberry scented. And it's dry. I'm not getting high you weirdos.
So. I think I'm finally recovering from school. I still haven't really been writing, but I'm starting to do things around the house again. Like clean. You know. Laundry. Decorate. Care. And with all that comes the inexplicable need to spend money. I created some sincerely awesome centerpieces for both of my tables. Bought a tablecloth. And today I bought some lovely notebooks. Also, Sharpie just came out with a new liquid graphite pencil, and I just had to buy it since I hate dull pencils, but also hate not being able to erase ink. Turns out it's just the newest erasable pen... And pretty poorly erasable. But new writing materials always make me feel inspired, even though I usually type on the computer. I will have to apologize to my husband for spending more money... though I did get him some Honey Comb. He should know better than to send me into Walmart unsupervised.
On another note, I just finished Forever by m_stiefvater and I must say it was WONDERFUL! I suggest you all go out and buy Shiver, Linger and Forever immediately. I found all of them on the shelf at Walmart and helpfully put them in order so that potential customers wouldn't get confused. You're welcome.